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Newborn Worries
Newborn ''Wo''rries Episode Four, Season Six, of Cold. Enjoy <3 Brownhare episode! ;) (in first person though heh) Newborn Worries I can’t help but just stare at Shade’s body. Gorse’s call to retreat echoed in my mind blankly, and I don’t move. Rogues swarmed around me, trying to get some last blows before watching us retreat. “Come on, move!” I heard Storm shout in my ear. She plunged past me and picked up her sister’s body. I blinked, then hurried to help her lift Shade. The moment I touched Shade, I flinched. Storm stumbled under the extra weight, but I could barely hold Shade steady. The Underground watched, satisfied, as we slowly backed away. The progress of moving Shade’s body was draining Storm’s energy. On the other side, Snowbreeze and Tessa were hauling Graystorm’s body. I’m a failure. I took a deep breath, then lifted my side of Shade’s body again and tried to keep going. I told her about how I felt. Love doesn’t come to me like it comes to her, but I did care for her greatly. It just wasn’t…''love'' though. We collapsed on the island-StarClan when did we cross the bridge?-and Storm let out a soft groan of pain. I helped her lower Shade’s body and immediately hurried to my small, meager supply of herbs. “Dock, feverfew, juniper, marigold…” I quickly listed what I had and grabbed what I needed. “Can you save her?” Storm’s worried mew sounded near my ear. I nodded stiffly, though I could tell Storm wasn’t sure about what would happen between me and Shade. “She’ll live,” I mewed quietly, “But I’ll need some space.” Storm nodded and went to talk with Gorse. I took another deep breath and started to clean Shade’s wound. She let out small gasps of pain, but I doubted that she was conscious. As I worked, I focused on the wound, not the patient. I couldn’t let my worries affect my work. Or was it my feelings? I shook away the thought and kept going, making a poultice for her wound from the dock and marigold. After awhile, I sat back and closed my eyes, trying to force away my thoughts. I wanted to wake her up, to tell her that I may not love her, but I cared deeply for her, and that we could still be mates. But Amberfrost… She loved you, I reminded myself, You told her how you felt about her, you told her that to you, she was just your best friend. Memories of FireClan flowed back to me. ~ - ~ “Brownpaw…” My mother sighed, “We’ll miss you.” Duskheart seemed reluctant to talk, but he mewed gruffly, “We wish you weren’t going, but have a good time, son.” I bit my lip. Amberpaw had left a few minutes ago to give me some time on my own with my parents, but I didn’t know what to say. There was nothing to say. I just needed to let them go. “Sorry I have to go,” I mumbled, “It’s just that Redstar spotted us, and she insisted that we both go no matter what.” “We understand,” Silverfrost mewed softly, “We’ve always wanted you to go, although…” “We were expecting you to stay after you made your decision,” Duskheart put in when Silverfrost trailed off. My mother nodded, though she looked on the verge of tears. I glanced around the small den, trying to remember everything before leaving. I would never be able to come back or even help my parents after this. “I’ll do whatever I can to visit,” I whispered, “I’ll never forget you, no matter what the Beauty teaches me.” Silverfrost smiled and licked my cheek, “You were always a great kit to raise, Brownpaw.” I fought back tears, and the memory faded away. ~ - ~ Hawkpaw and Lionpaw flanked me as we snuck out late at night. “You sure about this?” Hawkpaw asked, quivering slightly from the cold. “I’m certain,” I replied. Lionpaw plodded along, “Why do we need to figure this out anyways?” They wouldn’t understand your cause, I thought hastily, They come from the Beauty after all. I quickly shook the thought aside. Lionpaw and Hawkpaw were here to help me now, and they obviously could care less that I came from the poor. None of the toms really cared, they just never talked to me. “Redstar had a reason for being in the poor,” I mewed quietly, “I want to find out what she was doing there.” “What makes you think the instructors will know?” Hawkpaw asked, tilting his head, “We’ve done this for a day and they don’t seem to be talking about Redstar.” “Maybe they will talk about what she does,” I insisted, “You don’t have to come,” I added, glaring at Hawkpaw, “If you don’t want to of course.” He lifted his tail in defeat, “Of course I’m coming, I can’t bail out on you now, I supposed to be your new friend!” “One of his new friends,” Lionpaw corrected. Hawkpaw rolled his eyes, then continued, “Couldn’t we just have asked some of the older apprentice if they heard anything?” “Of course not!” I argued, “What if they’re completely loyal to the Beauty and rats us out? Plus, they don’t care about the poor!” Hawkpaw sighed and the trio fell into an awkward silence as they padded onwards towards the instructors’ camp. “Almost there,” Lionpaw whispered, “The camp is just up ahead.” I bristled in excitement, and as we drew nearer, I heard the instructors grumbling. “I can’t believe Redstar thinks it’s a good idea to be picking out poor cats to be part of the Beauty System.” I shot a triumph look at Hawkpaw. Flowerbeam shrugged, “Come on, it’s not all too bad. I mean her plan makes sense, don’t you agree?” Blossomflecks snorted, “What? Picking out potential enemies so we can train them to become Beauty soldiers and turn them against the poor?” “Yeah,” Blackstripe agreed, “It’s a good plan. Look at Brownpaw. That tom has that fierce look in his eyes, and he’s friends with Amberpaw. She’s a strong willed she-cat, but now they’ll both be under our control.” My blood turned to ice. They’re taking poor cats and training them to turn against the poor? “Don’t forget the other part of the plan,” Gorseheart pointed out, “She’s implanting soldiers in there to kill them off. It’s the easiest and the best way to rid of the poor. We’ll finally be free of their tainted blood!” I turned away and whispered, “I’ve heard enough, let’s go.” ~ - ~ I closed my eyes and tried to shut the images out. I couldn’t stand remembering everything I had learned in FireClan. Sometimes we just had to let them all go. I want to be hers, and I want her, I really do, I thought, But will she understand that I will never ''love her?'' Shade let out a soft moan of pain, and I flinched in voluntarily when her tail brushed against my flank. “Storm?” She croaked softly. I stayed silent. Shade called out for Storm quietly for a few more times before settling back into a fitful sleep. Every single time I stayed silent and didn’t respond to her. “Why didn’t you tell here you were here for her?” A sudden voice asked behind me. I started. Storm had been behind me all along. “Why didn’t you?” I countered, “She was calling for you after all.” Storm’s blue eyes were dark. “You would have been company to her, someone she wanted to see,” Storm argued, “You can’t just leave her in the dark like this!” “I’m now!” I bristled, “I’ve apologized and we’re fine now.” That was such a white lie. I hadn’t made up to her. I just told her that I’d never be able to love her. I told her I only cared deeply for her. The look on her face when she told me that perhaps me caring was just enough for her was painful to see. She looked so hopeful yet anguished. She was broken because the tom she loved would never love her back. And it was enough for her because it had to be enough or she would never have him. Have me. Storm watched as the process of thoughts went through my mind. “Tell me,” she said softly, her eyes full of fire and authority, “When you changed and started to love Shade in the way you did, did you ever consider her feelings for you?” That was an odd question. “Yes,” I started, “Of course I did-” “Did you know that she loved you?” Storm interrupted, her eyes narrowing slightly. “Yes,” I blinked. What was Storm getting at? Storm didn’t break eye contact with me, “Did you ever bother telling her that you would never feel the same as her? Did you ever consider her feelings when you would finally break her heart?” I opened my mouth to respond. Then closed it. I shook my head, and I lowered my gaze, unable to face Storm anymore. She softened, “Perhaps now is your time to start over and start anew and tell her. Make her truly understand…” Before I could respond, Storm turned and walked away, “You need to be there for her, Brownhare, no one else can reach her so deep except you.” I watched Storm leave, thinking how one so young could be so wise. “Thank you…” ~ As I watched Shade sleep, I tried to figure out what to say to her. She obviously thought it was over between me and her, and I had no idea how to change that. “Do you want to save her?” Without glancing back, and realizing what I was saying, I replied, “Of course I do.” “Then do as I say…” The End. Category:Fan Fictions Category:Cchen3's Fanfics Category:Cold